I felt myself dropping into a familiar feeling of anxiety...

“Maybe I’m doing everything wrong”
“What if I fail”
“How do I fix this”

I found myself getting really antsy.
I was fidgeting a lot.
My skin was itchy.
I wanted to FIX and control.
I found myself compulsively reaching for my phone, and other to-dos in an effort to correct myself from my foreboding failure.

I started to get annoyed.
I don’t want to be in this state.
I want to be calm, and open, and excited.

So, instead of continuing my compulsions, and my self-criticism...

I got in the bath.

I presenced myself to the sensations inside of me.

They were actually quite subtle, in contrast to the LOUD desire to fidget, scratch, get up and DO.

But I noticed them anyway.

I noticed a jumpy feeling in my skin.
A jittery feeling in my arms.
A fuzzy feeling from the center of my chest down to my belly button.

I realized, these sensations, paired together like this, feel like anxiety.

That’s the meaning I have tied to the physical experience.

But I kept sitting with the sensations.

Soon—
I noticed myself getting a little turned on.
I felt electricity.
I noticed my breath was short, mimicking arousal.
Then I noticed, if I breathe short on PURPOSE, the electricity gets louder. The arousal builds.

So I rolled with it.
I felt the jumpy, jittery, fuzzy go from feeling like anxiety, and a desire to fix...
To actual turn on.
To excitement, and playfulness, and pleasure in my body.

—

So much of our discomfort is because we don’t have capacity in our system to hold a lot of sensation. So when we start to feel the jittery feeling, our body goes to work to avoid it. To push it away. To feel LESS.

So much of my work is about training our system to feel more. Not to feel for feelings’ sake—but so we have more space for more sensation.

So we can hold the truth of who we are without running, fixing, covering up.

So we can be present with the magic that is this life.

Get turned on by your triggers — literally.

Enrollment opens Sunday.
We start in January.

⚡️