The constant hum

For this shoot, I stood neutral first.

Calm.

“Normal.”

And then we had me pull out my inner demons.

Tortured.

Suffering.

Writhing.

Animalistic.

Maybe it’s from dance

Or maybe it’s because I feel so close to my emotions…

But the demon one is my favorite.

I invite it into my body

And my body rides it.

It twists and turns.

It opens and contracts.

It fights itself.

It accesses this underlying energy.

This thing that is in the background of every moment,

No matter how good I feel.

Or how fine things are.

There’s like this constant hum of uneasiness

Waiting in the background

And the only time I don’t feel it

Is when I’ve convinced myself that it isn’t there

And I don’t let myself open.

But this uneasiness…

It’s like

Fear

Worry

Doubt

But it’s also like

Truth

Honesty

Rawness

True openness.

It’s like

The deeper connection to the ever-changing

Uncertain

Unknown world.

And there’s something interesting that happens

When you take on the demons on purpose.

Is they become okay.

They integrate themselves into the whole of who you are.

The higher self.

The IT inside of you.

Perhaps the higher self is not the composed,

But the non-composed.

The one that can hold it all.

The constant hum.