This was the most painful period I've had in over a year.

This was the most painful period I’ve had in over a year.

When I shared this on my stories, I got a lot of responses about what could be wrong and how to fix it.

I have spent years learning how to fix things.
And I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
My yoga career peaked (and then started to fall) once I realized you could give me any injury and I could help “fix it” through muscle engagement, movement, softening, chakra work, emotional discovery, etc.

So for a while, I too would have a painful period, or my back would go out, or I’d have a headache or whatever it was and I would figure out what was causing it, and I would solve it.

Pretty f*ckin cool.
But you know what that didn’t do?
It didn’t allow me to taste the medicine of the pain.
The medicine of the ailment.
The medicine of what is SO in the body. In the moment.

Because what is SO, IS the thing to be felt.
Not the bettering of it.
Not the ridding of it.

The pain is not to be solved.
It is to be felt.
Honored.
Listened to.

Cuz trust me.
It’ll just come back somewhere else if not.
And it will keep doing that, until you listen.

So,
I listened to the pain.
I put the pain on my face and felt her.
Deeply.
I groaned.
I cried.
I let her storm tear apart my insides.

And she spoke to me.
Life herself - my blood - was causing pain.
I had two choices.
I could work to not be in pain anymore so I could continue on with my life.
Or I could let the pain redirect my life.
Notice the difference in the two.

I let it TELL me what to do next.
And it was loud and clear.
Go home.
Rest.
Be with your dog.
Hug your people.
Dance from the depths inside of you.

This wisdom didn’t make the pain go away.
It wasn’t like, I solved it and now I feel better!
It was like, here is the truth. Sit with it. Don’t leave it.

It allowed me to complete my time in Miami fully. There were some unfinished pieces that needed to be followed through.

And it has allowed me to return to CA for a bit.

I’ll be hanging with my pup, and sitting on my parent’s couch, if you need me.

And remember, the pain is your medicine.
NOT the thing to get rid of.
Sit with it.
Know it.
Feel it.
Love it.

Originally written November 13, 2021.