A case of the "shoulds"
Amazing humans,
Do any of these sound familiar?
I really should go to the gym today.
I should wake up earlier tomorrow.
I should be eating better.
I shouldn't text him yet.
I should be meditating every day.
I should be working harder.
I shouldn't be watching Netflix.
I should be able to do this better.
I shouldn't have that glass of wine.
I should order the salad.
I should be a better girlfriend/friend/daughter/person.
We live in a WORLD OF SHOULDS.
And it's killing us.
Should is an indicator of obligation, duty, or correctness. It is a way to live up to external values and rules that we live in.
It seems that the more we "should" our way through life, the less connected we are to what it is we truly want, believe in, or value.
I get a lot of clients that come to me with the intention of being better at sticking to their "shoulds." They want to be better at waking up early, having a healthy routine, and to generally feel good about themselves and what they are doing each day.
I think this is a great intention, and it's important to notice how we do not stick to what it is we say we want to be doing, as that very possibly is a measure of how we value ourselves.
But at the same time, pushing ourselves to better at SOMEONE ELSE'S structure of what is supposed to be "good" or "healthy" or "successful," is by default, ignoring what is good, or healthy, or successful for US.
And I would say the BIGGEST pattern I've seen in myself and my clients, is that it isn't the lack of success or love or goal-achievement that makes us feel bad...it's the fact that the lack of success represents how we didn't do enough, aren't good enough, or need to be better in some way.
Woof.
Let's say that one again.
We feel bad, MOST OF THE TIME, not because we didn't achieve the thing, but because not achieving the thing MEANS SOMETHING about us: not being good enough, being a failure, not being cut out for it, etc.
So yes, do the "healthy" things - work out, eat well, push yourself outside of your comfort zone, don't drink too much...etc.
And
DOING HEALTHY THINGS DOESN'T MAKE YOU HEALTHY.
And
SOMETIMES, doing the healthy thing just because it's healthy actually takes away from your overall wellness, as it disrupts the mental, emotional, and physical connection.
What if, wellness could be not about doing something, but about being in your body? Our bodies are meant to survive and thrive. So when we sync up with our body's messages, we are directed and moved towards thriving.
[I talked about this quite a bit in my FREE CLASS last Friday. If you missed it, you can still get the replay by sending me your email address here.]
Syncing up with your body doesn't mean you won't do the "shoulds." In fact, sometimes, syncing up allows those "shoulds" to happen effortlessly and without force.
But it does mean, it's time for a different conversation.
One that doesn't involve criticizing ourselves over and over again to be better.
One that doesn't involve PUSHING, forcing, or overriding our inner voices.
One that doesn't hold the weight of our WORTH in it's actions.
A conversation that, instead, allows for the inner voice to get loud and courageous.
One that involves cooperation with our body, including our wounds and our victories.
One that elicits the truth underneath the fears.
One that uncovers the possibility of having your deepest desires fulfilled.
My online course BREAKING UP WITH YOUR INNER GOOD GIRL begins in less than a week. In this course, we are looking to dismantle the attachment we have to the "shoulds," and create a relationship that allows for more of who you really are.
We say, "be yourself," or "be free," or "be true to yourself," or whatever all the time, but we can't really know that until we tap into our entire system. Our entire system feeds into that "YOU."
This 5-week course, is an opportunity to do just that.
Let go of those shoulds.
And feel that YOU.
The Details:
When: We begin Sunday March 15, at 11 am, and will meet every Sunday after that for 5 weeks. The sessions will all be via ZOOM, so you can join from wherever you are. We will have follow up calls on Mondays at 6 pm, as an opportunity to share and ask questions, and connect to each other as a community. If you can't make any of the calls live, that's ok! I will send out a recording at the end of the each day.
What you get: In addition to the live calls and the community connection, you will receive recorded audio practices for you to continue this work on your own, whenever you want.
How much: The entire course is only $247 (an insanely cheap price, which will likely go up next time - so I'd join now!).
The material we are covering is in a weird way so SIMPLE, and in another, so deeply shifting. I hope you'll join me for this work. If nothing else, I know it will have you experience yourself in your body in a new way, and the potential outcomes of that shift are truly infinite.
Don't hesitate to hit reply to this email with questions.
If you are ready to sign up now, CLICK HERE.
Love you dearly.
Xo,
Jessie