Hearing my own voice....
Incredible humans,
I spent last weekend at Somatic Experiencing Training in Sacramento.
Four days of looking at how the body responds to and deals with trauma.
Four days of feeling into the natural rhythms of the body, and how to tap into those.
Four days of trauma healing: personally, collectively, and learning how to facilitate it for others.
IT WAS MAGICAL AND TRANSFORMATIVE.
And...well...intense, to say the least.
You know, up until this training, I had been resistant to signing up for any sort of certification.
Even as I type this, I feel like that is such a bad thing. How could I not further my own learning? How dare I think I'm impactful if I'm not up to date on new techniques and therapies and modalities!
But that is why I strayed away. Because every time I thought about signing up for a training program, whether it was for coaching, for business, for yoga, for healing - it got all wrapped up in my deep belief that I was not enough on my own.
Like, maybe IF I do this training THEN I'll be good enough. And as soon as I heard that voice, I knew I couldn't sign up. I knew that if me signing up was actually me saying, "I'm not good enough until I complete this thing," then I would never feel good enough - not after that training, or the next, or the next.
So I spent a lot of time doing my own thing. Finding my own voice. I started to play with the way I taught yoga, and what I really valued within it. I healed my own injuries and discovered teachable techniques to help others do the same. I started my first yoga retreats based on a feeling, an intuition, and combined this magical feeling with those values I wanted to share. I created my own teacher training rooted in my experience in gymnastics, dance, yoga, and yoga teaching. After many years of leading programs through a company, I was able to tease out what was really important to me, and how to facilitate this process for my students. I went through a self-development course years ago, and since then have been deep in my own healing and expansion. And through that, and the natural evolution of my offerings, I began my own coaching program.
In this way, I was able to really hear my own voice.
It's challenging to figure out what it is you really want to stand for, when you are constantly putting new information in. When you are constantly looking at how others are doing it.
Yes, there's something to looking up to others that have done what you are trying to do, but it's tricky to not get tied into the idea that there is some "right" way to do it - particularly when its about something as unique and creative as your own business.
And let me tell you - I am SO THANKFUL I took this break from "training." If I had been filling myself with new info every few months, or every year even, I wouldn't have been able to sort through my experiences from a place of authenticity. I wouldn't have been able to differentiate what I was saying, from what I was hearing. I wouldn't have been able to believe that I am valuable just as I am, and the amount of certifications are not a representation of that.
This summer, when Yoga Alliance changed their rules, and in order to facilitate teacher trainings you now need a 500 hour certification, I could have felt bad about myself. I could have shamed myself for not being certified enough. But instead, it felt so clear that this is no longer my path.
That clarity was possible, because I didn't force myself into following someone else's version of what "qualified" means. THANK GOODNESS.
And then - something happened. This year I found a mentor who just SPOKE MY LANGUAGE. When she taught, there was no question of if I was good enough or if I needed to learn something to be qualified - that story just disappeared (well...at least in this context, heh). When she spoke, I was able to receive it, AND I was able to hold myself where I stand. And even if they differed, it was ok.
And then all of the sudden, I felt pulled to sign up for a new training, the very training that she did! I felt a pull that was from a deep place of curiosity, and trust in myself. Like I finally know what's my voice, and what's not. I finally know what I'm trying to say, and the basics of how I'm going to do it. And now, it's time to expand upon THAT, rather than upon this idea that I am somehow not enough on my own, and need someone else's gift to be enough.
EEEE.
Thank goodness for that time OFF of training...
I NEEDED to uncouple my worth, from my certifications.
AND
I am so excited to be back.
That being said, this weekend kicked up some dust for me. Walking into a training to learn something new, WITHOUT the hook of being inadequate until I learn this thing....was interesting.
At one point, one of the teaching assistants gave me some feedback, and I was shocked at how much it shook me. It took me right back to being a 12 year old in gymnastics, getting yelled at by my coach.
I won't go in to that story today, but I will just say, it was intense. It was intense to be in a space of THERAPISTS. Of trained professionals, learning about how to heal TRAUMA (big Trauma like car accidents and war and abuse and the like), and not feel like I have nothing to offer.
And yet, as I walked through it it felt more and more RIGHT. More and more like THIS IS IT. This is right for me.
And, to my surprise (and let's be honest - relief), I've already been doing a LOT of what was taught, intuitively. I've already been picking up on the way the body naturally wants to heal, and seeing real results in my clients, and in myself. So this program was simply a natural evolution in myself and my offerings. (No wonder I was pulled to THIS one, not something else!)
As I've settled back in at home, it's been fun integrating this new information into my routine, and my client sessions. This training gave me new ways of reading a client, new ways of connecting to them and channeling what needs to happen next. So, it's really exciting to have a whole new vocabulary for healing, and moving through this work together.
EEE!!!!
Now, I am on the look out for some special clients.
Some special humans who are ready to actually hear, feel, and live in their own voice.
Some incredible clients who are looking to expand within themselves, but get stopped with fear, insecurity, doubts.
Some women (or men!) looking to connect to their body so deeply, that they are one cohesive being.
Those who want to not only KNOW themselves in their minds, but in their entire system.
Who want to heal in an embodied way.
Who want to FEEL GOOD, WHOLE, and CONNECTED....not just think it.
This work is about this TOTAL CONNECTION.
FREEDOM.
And a deep trust in yourself.
I'm ready to meet you.
Xo
Jessie