I feel low.

I feel low. 

Since my teacher training program ended, and throughout the holidays, I have been lower than normal. Old feelings of depression are in the air, and I have had a harder time doing normal tasks. I feel heavy. 

There's a part of me that welcomes this feeling. I've always been kind of a depressive person. I've always found some joy and sweetness in the sadness. I love rest, and tears. A part of me deeply welcomes the darkness. 

But the other part of me, the part that is this persona of emotional wellbeing, the part of me that is a coach to many, and has (at least some) things figured out...this part of me is afraid. How can I be an emotional coach when I am feeling low? How can I say I'll help you feel good when I do not? 

After spending a little bit of time doing self-development, or emotional healing, you realize quickly that "happiness" is not the goal. There is no standard for what "healthy" should or is going to look like. And there is no perfect outcome. 

We are dynamic beings. Our "healthy" is dependent on so many factors that are constantly changing. In fact, maybe the only way to be "healthy" is to accept that health is an ongoing process, and sometimes healthy looks like unhealthy, and visa versa.

Maybe "healthy-ing" is a better description. 



Today I shared with a friend that I just wanted to be a disaster. Drink a lot. Sleep a lot. My system is pulling for the things that are definitely NOT healthy. It wants to avoid the low feelings by finding something else to indulge in. 

I think we can all agree that isn't an effective answer.

And yet, when I told her that she asked, "what's stopping you from just being a disaster?"

Of course what came up is fear. Fear that I won't like myself. Fear that I will fuck up in some way. Fear that I won't come back to "health". 

But the more I let myself in to that desire, the more in line with myself I feel. The more whole I feel. The more I feel like can trust myself. The more I understand that my body is working FOR me, not against me. That doesn't mean I will just go get drunk, but it does mean that this desire isn't all bad. It is to be heard.I can lean into to what it's seeking, which may include longer sleep and more escape tactics, and that's okay.


The other day, a client of mine said she realized all the times she thought she was self-sabotaging, she was actually self-soothing. She thought she was preventing herself from succeeding on her path, but actually, her body was trying to bring her back to her center. And I think that's a bit of the truth - always - for all of us. 

When we feel like our desires are just out of control, and they are pulling us AWAY from ourselves or our path or our goals - I'll offer that they actually have some secret to them. That actually, those desires are there to show us something about ourselves. Those desires are pulling us to our present version of what "health" is. Pulling us IN to the truth of where we're at.


Now I won't lie, a part of me wishes I were writing this email, promoting my coaching program telling you how amazing my life is and convincing you to want it too. Telling you that I can help you get there. But the other part of me knows that I am a deeper, more connected, more transformative coach because I am here with you. In fact, it is often in my darkness that I can access deeper spaces within myself, and within my clients.


1-ON-1 EMOTIONAL COACHING PROGRAM
Healing isn't about attaining something. It is about BEING SOMETHING. It is about deeply connecting to what you ALREADY ARE. It is about EMBODYING YOU in all your magical ways. 

I just finished up with a couple of clients who's transformation was INSANE (I can't wait to share testimonials with you!). 

That means, I've got some open spaces. FOUR, to be exact. Four spaces of opportunity to connect deeply to yourself, to expand your stability so wide that you can hold all the good and all the bad, to be so FULL that you can actually live in your desires in a way that is healthy and whole. 

I don't want you to be "perfect like me". 
I want you to have capacity for what's real. For DEEP connection and truth. And for the expansion and achievement of what you truly want. 

This work is about freedom.
This work is about igniting your Self, and trusting it. 
This work is about capacity to DO and BE whatever you want. 

Interested in creating this partnership with me?
Apply here, or email me back with questions.

I love you.

Jessie