Goodie-Goodie
Loves,
In case you missed it, on Monday I launched the promotion for my NEW ONLINE COURSE beginning March 15.
My course, titled "Breaking Up With Your Inner Good Girl" felt like the PERFECT calling to me. When I shared it with my friends and fellow coaches, they smiled in the KNOWING that this IS SO ME.
If you know me - even a little bit - you know that it is. I have been a goodie goodie since I can remember. When I was a small little baby, I was quiet, always holding on to my parents' legs. I still hear the story that I would sit and draw for HOURS. I was commended for being so "good."
When I was about 5, my parents took me to a couple of different activities. I liked art, I liked singing, I liked ballet, but nothing was quite as exciting as gymnastics. And so I went for it. The first gym I started training at (at 5 years old), they put our foot on a mat about 8 inches high and pushed us down into over-splits.
As I began school, I got perfect grades. Always doing my homework on time, often getting mad at those that didn't.
I'm sure my parents..and my siblings...would have other opinions (hehe) but basically, I did EVERYTHING RIGHT. FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
In gymnastics, when I fell doing a back tuck when I was 9 or 10, and bruised my rib cage, I became terrified of the skill. It took me about a year to get over the immense fear I had around it (which included getting bullied about it). That was my first REAL taste of doing something wrong. Not being good enough. I mean, I'm sure it was there before that, but that - was a big one.
In my junior year, my sister and I got in trouble for having a party. (It goes DOWN in family history as "the famous jello-shot party" thank you very much). That was probably the only time I really got in trouble with my family.
I share these silly stories to say basically, I had maintained my perfection for a very long time. And when I fell short, I PROVED my way back.
After I got over the fear of the back tuck, I went on to EXCEL. I joined the "fast track" team at the gym meaning - they thought I was more focused than the other girls, and so they pushed me harder.
After the jello-shot party, I got the perfect high school boyfriend who took me to prom, and treated me like a lady. I went on to graduate with a 4.5 GPA, and went to UC San Diego.
I think you get the picture.
I
LIKE
TO
BE
GOOD.
And..I'm DAMN GOOD at being good.
The problem began when I started realizing that I, like REAL DEEP JESSIE, didn't align with all the ways I was being "good". This started young, but it didn't really evolve until getting to LA and "finding myself" and an entirely new way.
So, if I don't align with what "good" is...two questions come up.
1. What DO I align with?
and
2. Who decides what "good" is?
I've already spent about 5 years on number 1, and I'm sure I've got another 60 or 70 to go.
But number 2, well number 2, is pretty obvious. And at the same time, it's subtly hidden in plain sight EVERYWHERE WE LOOK.
Now, "good" is definitely slightly different to every person. If we think about all the serial killers, I imagine that they actually have an idea of what "good" is to them...and I imagine that we would greatly disagree. But at the same time, there is an OVERARCHING STANDARD of what we see as good.
Much of this is positive. Meant to help inform people of making moral and ethical decisions. Meant to prevent unnecessary harm, and all that stuff.
But the problem with having an overarching standard of what GOOD is, is that we UNLEARN how to listen to our own values, moral guides, and intuition. We learn instead - how to praise society, parents, community, religion - as the ALL KNOWING, and we learn to therefore conclude that any voice within ourselves that doesn't match that, as WRONG.
Uuuf.
If you're still with me, take a pause. Let that one in.
Now, even if you're not a goodie-goodie like me, you inevitably have some relationship with doing things right, being good (in your own perspective), and being worthy for relationships/jobs/community, etc. For instance, one of my good friends is the opposite of me in almost every way. She is always doing the thing that's breaking the rules, and I'm always doing the thing that's following the rules. And yet - we BOTH have this very visceral relationship with being a good girl, a good woman, a good friend, a good partner, a good family member, etc.
So, I hope you're starting to understand why I chose the title, Breaking up with your inner good girl, if you didn't get it at first glance. But if not, let me lay it out for ya:
Being a "good girl" is a built in product of living in this country, maybe even this world.
Being a "good girl" is about your personal (female) relationship with how you are "allowed" to think, talk, behave, and look.
I say "allowed" because there is a collective standard that is upheld by our world. And it is upheld by almost EVERYONE in it to some extent. Again - not all of it is harmful, by ANY means. But a lot of it is based in the idea that women are lesser, women are objects, women are dutiful, women are quiet, women aren't valuable. If those are the values leading to our idea of what "GOOD" is, I want no part in it.
But I say that....
And then I buy in.
Over and over.
Because IT IS WHAT WE KNOW.
IT IS WHAT WE LOVE.
IT IS WHAT IS OKAY IN OUR EYES.
And more than that,
IT IS IN OUR BODIES.
Literally, our nervous systems are built around these standards, that are built around these shitty values.
Yuck!
Alright, that's enough of a soap box for today...
Here's what I want to say:
Join my course.
Join my course because, you buy into some element of how you SHOULD be, and that directly inhibits you from being who you TRULY ARE.
Join my course because you are insecure from time to time, and want to strengthen your ability to trust yourself.
Join my course because you have some neurotic or compulsive tendencies that lead to anxiety, or stress.
Join my course because the way you look worries you everyday and it comes with unpleasant emotions, or borderline eating disorders, or beating yourself up.
Join my course because you feel conflicted with what people expect of you, and what you want to be.
Join my course because you simply want to honor your deepest self a little bit more, and show up as the woman you KNOW YOU ARE.
The course starts March 15.
It's 5 weeks long.
It's all online.
It's LIVE every Sunday at 11 am, and Monday at 6 pm, but recordings will be sent out after so don't stress if you can't always make it.
It's lead by me. A recovering "good girl" (LOL).
I give you the tools and practices to experience yourself in a new way. A way that is not based in external standards, but is a FELT EXPERIENCE of who you really are.
In addition, we will be sparking magical and insightful conversation for us to have as a supportive community every week.
It's affordable, and you can save $47 if you sign up before March 1.
So
It's time.
Sign up, girl.
Your payment is your RSVP (make sure you still check your paypal email, or send me your current one!).
Talk to me if you have questions.
I'm here for it.
Love,
Jessie