I shaved my pussy for a man.

I shaved my pussy for a man.

It’s been a while since I’ve shaved much of anything.
I shave my legs sometimes because it feels better, but I stopped shaving everything else.
It was a necessary step.
It took a lot for me to be able to walk out into the world with full hair under my arms and not feel a thing.
Or to be at a public pool with my public hair showing down to my inner thigh.

At first it was super activating.
It took me months to even be able to do this.
And once I finally did
There were still moments where I would catch myself not raising my arms, or closing my legs a little tighter so I didn’t have to deal with the potential looks and judgment from people.

And then it switched.
There was a moment where it became exciting.
I would walk openly down the side of the pool and feel people’s eyes on me and say an internal ‘f_ck yes’.
Let them look.
Here it is.
A body unchanged.
🤤

I felt powerful.
A full woman.

And then it switched again.
The charge around it completely disappeared.
Here in Mexico I am always in a tank top showing my armpits, or fully in a swimsuit in public spaces and I feel nothing about it.
I forget it even exists.
I don’t even know if people are looking because there is no activation around it for me anymore.
There’s no reason for me to wonder.

And so a few weeks ago, I met a man.
We entered pretty quickly into a beautiful love affair.
Days of talking, riding around town on his bike viewing beautiful spots, snuggling and kissing, spending nights together.

When I felt ready to have sex, he told me he’d really like to feel my skin smooth.

We talked about why I wasn’t shaving right now and how important this has been for me.
He understood, and made it super clear that he loves my body as it is and supports me in whatever I want to do with it.
And
He has a desire to feel my skin.

I felt into it.
Again
There was hardly any charge.

I had this mental thought like
“No! Don’t let a man tell you what to do with your body!”
But in noticing the thought I giggled
Because it was so not true for me in that moment.
In fact, it felt really delicious to honor his desire in this way.
Not out of pressure, or fear, or feeling like I won’t be loved if I don’t.
There was no threat behind it.

But out of the joy of seeing him light up,
And feeling more connected to him through the process.

The day was actually really fun.
We went to buy condoms.
I put on fun music as I shaved.
And we had such a playful joyful time touching each other and learning each other’s bodies even more.

Since then I’ve had to watch myself a little because I feel these spots where I can slip back into pleasing a man in order to validate my worth
And that’s definitely not it.

But mostly
It feels so delicious and nourishing to groom myself in a way that lights him up.
And in turn I get so much appreciation and care.

There’s always been this part of me that loved being beautiful for my man

But in healing my wounds around men, I noticed all these places where I did things for them, and not me.
As a means to keep them.
As a means to get love.
As a means to make myself okay because I genuinely wasn’t okay without their approval.

And so I stopped.
I stopped doing those things altogether.
And thank goodness I did.
I really needed to.

But there’s this spot,
Now,
Where it’s actually true to make myself beautiful for a man.
Not to prove my worthiness or my value to him or society.
But to honor and nourish a deep desire in me.
The desire to be expressed in my beauty and in my sexuality. And be seen, and truly met with attention and care in this spot.

The difference between doing it as a means to try to be perfect for a man because I feel I won’t be loved if I don’t,
And doing it as a full opening to letting my beauty be witnessed and honored…
Phew.
It’s so big and so delicious to be here.

Will I forever shave?
Probably not.
Will I always respond on cue to his desires?
No. I hold the pole of truth inside of me, and she decides what to act on.

Did this spot open up a freedom and an honoring of a lost part of me?
Oh yes.
Oh yes yes yes.