I've been triggered most of my life.

I’ve been triggered for most of my life.

Most of my life what inspired me to be better, is the incessant need to prove that I’m good enough.

Is the deep seeded fear that I am not worthy unless I do something that makes me so.

And not only is the action triggered, but even the rest is triggered.

A total shutdown that comes from trying so hard to prove myself only to feel not good enough again.

🙈

And I think now..

For the first time in my life...
I’m not triggered.
I’m not in a chronic stress response.
I’m not reacting to the fear of not being seen as valuable or lovable.
I’m not secretly pulling strings to make sure my story is one of success and love.

I’m just here.

And I’ll tell ya-

It’s a little terrifying.
A little empty.
Like...
No wonder I filled my life with stories of needing to try harder, be better, because without them..

Well.. it’s pretty creepy.

The things that have always felt good or worked for me are just plain not working.

I go to do something I’ve always thought was helpful or necessary, and it just doesn’t make sense anymore.

And it’s crazy because-
I’d like to think that I live in honesty.
That my intentions are true and aligned.

But the truth is,
SO much of my movement in my life has been a result of a trigger setting off a mechanism.
A mechanism learned and designed by my system early on to protect me.
To keep me okay.

Even the “good” things are often tangled in there.

I’m sure this new place I’m in will soon reveal itself to have deeper truths.
Ones I can’t yet see.
But I’ll also say that, after 10 years of self-development, working on myself, and healing...

It wasn’t until I worked WITH my triggers, my upsets, my annoying tendencies, that my experience of them actually shifted.

It wasn’t until I stopped correcting myself, that my body started taking care of itself.

It wasn’t until I brought the sticky parts of me into embodied consciousness, that I actually feel like I can trust myself no matter what.

Trigger doesn’t run me anymore.
But I welcome it when it comes.

💥

Get turned on by your triggers starts January 17.
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